Disclaimer:  I don't own Gundam Wing, blah blah blah, but you already knew that.

Title:  Until My Dying Day
Chapter:  1
Pairings:  2x5
Angst, Suicide
Kentra Shinataku


Chapter 1


Wufei jumped from the living room couch, finally revealing his growing irritation to the braided boy.  Duo had just danced through the room with headphones so loud that they could be heard from the other side of the house, while carrying coffee.  That coffee was now spilled all over Wufei's book.

"Sorry, Fei," He said with a happy, yet apologetic smile, "Here, I'll help you clean it up." Duo really was sorry.  He knew Wufei was already mad at him today, and he didn't want to make things worse.  Wufei roughly grabbed Duo's hand before he could touch his precious book.

"Don't touch it, Maxwell," he said exasperatedly, "I don't want you to do anything else to it." Wufei walked away with one last dark glare featured on his face, and walked through the kitchen door.

"Man, why does he have such an attitude?  I didn't mean to ruin his damn book, anyways.  The coffee slipped, accidents happen!"

Duo switched off his CD player, so the headphones hanging now loosely around his neck fell silent with a sudden click.  He picked up the now abandoned coffee cup to finish cleaning up the mess, but then let his anger take hold of him.  With a sudden burst he threw the cup against the wall and turned away as the broken pieces shattered across the floor.  Without a side glance back, he walked frustratedly up to his room and slammed the door. 

Wufei stood in the kitchen of the small, yet spacious safe house, gently mopping off his beloved book with a strong gentleness.  He was irritated with Duo for more than one reason right now, and couldn't seem to let his frustration diminish.  The small house seemed to grow even smaller now that Duo had only one person to focus his attention on.  Heero and Quatre were both away on their own respective missions and Trowa had walked out the door, his only words were that he would be back.  The other pilots were unsurprised; he had been disappearing and returning, managing to distance himself from the others for about a month now.  Though the other pilots had recently left, Wufei's nerves were already thinning.  He released a frustrated sigh.  He knew Duo didn't mean to irritate him so much...but....why couldn't he be more careful?  Already today he had broken a breakfast plate, left the bathroom sink running for a significant amount of time, and that blasted music had given Wufei a splitting migraine.  Now his irreplaceable book was stained with the carelessness of the braided boy.

But Wufei wouldn't restrain his pity for him.  Though the boy was loud and boisterous, he had an amazing strength, both mentally and physically, even if it was hidden so deep that it took a little digging to find.  Wufei knew nothing of the horrors that streamed through Duo's mind like a never-ending song, but he had heard him crying all alone in his room.  Duo thought nobody had heard, thought it was safe to remove his mask for a few timeless moments when he wouldn't have to pretend anymore.  Wufei never would forgive himself for invading this time of Duo's, for letting his personal feelings be known to anybody but the one who was supposed to.  And if Duo found out, Wufei knew he wouldn't forgive him either.

Duo had been on the brink of a break down for the past week.  He was doing all he could to hold on, yet his fingers were still slipping from the slippery holds.  He and the Chinese pilot had been together for only two days, and already Wufei's eager accusations had begun to strangle his heart.  Normally, Duo would shake off an insult without thought.  From anyone.  Except Wufei.  From Wufei...it was different.  He admired him in so many ways and tried so hard to get his attention, but couldn't seem to penetrate his calm and steady surface.  The only attention Wufei paid him was when he messed up.

"The only thing I could do to make Wufei like me... it would be better if I weren't here at all.  Maybe then I could make Wufei like me.  Just once I want to see him smile..."

Duo's heart seemed to take control of him, abandoning thought or reason and ignoring the sense of his mind, he began to lose himself, shaking uncontrollably.  He fell into a euphoric unreal, into a place locked away in his head where things were neither real nor pretend, a place that was not unknown to the braided pilot.  Having no control over any feelings or actions...this was what scared him.  This was why he never allowed anyone to get close to him.  This was why he never wanted to remember, never wanted to tell people how he felt, never wanted to care.  He couldn't control himself, how could he control a relationship with anybody else?

Without his mental acknowledgement, tears stole away down Duo's cheeks.  Still shaking, he reached into the back pocket of his midnight black pants and pulled out the knife, engraved with a small scythe, that he always carried with him.  Flicking open the blade in a swift, skilled motion, he pressed the tip of the blade into the top of his middle finger.  Pressing harder as he went, he trailed the sharpened to perfection knife down to the base of his palm, stopping at the top of his wrist.  He wasn't going to die just yet.  He wanted to see the blood now, he wanted to imagine what it would be like when that time came.  Would Wufei finally smile?  As he watched the scarlet streak run down his pale and shaking hand, he whispered to the empty air, "For you, Wufei.  Maybe you'll be happy if I finally leave you alone." Able to hold on to the light for only a few more painful moments, Duo slipped into a world of all black.